People come into your life for a reason or a season.
I’ve had a few interesting relationships in my life, and some of them remain my “forever teachers” or soul family, as I like to refer to them. Some have become dear friends and mentors, while others are better to cut ties with because the truth is, not everyone is meant for you. Once you understand that, your life will improve exponentially.
If you don’t know your philosophy on relationships or your non-negotiables, that’s okay. The whole point of dating is to discover what you want and, more importantly, what you don’t want. People often fail at dating because they have too many expectations in the beginning. What happens when you grow with the flow and accept that not everyone is meant for you?
Why Good Relationships Are A Non-Negotiable
So, you know how humans used to live in tribes way back in the day? Turns out, we’re wired for social connection and not meant to be alone all the time. When we spend too much time by ourselves, our bodies get stuck in “fight or flight.”
Your brain doesn’t understand what is happening internally or externally— all it knows is that it senses danger. When your nervous system is in fight-or-flight, stress hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol increase along with your heart rate, rapid breathing, dilated pupils, tense muscles, and a suppressed digestive system.
Your body is preparing to run away from a lion but in fact, its loneliness because you don’t have a support system. Imagine if you were stuck in the state for a long time and all the health issues it causes in the long run.
Basically, our brains are like, “Hey, where’s the tribe? We need them for safety and support!” When we don’t have that social connection, our bodies think there’s danger around every corner. It’s like being in survival mode all the time.
That’s why it’s important to have people in our lives, like friends and family, who we can lean on and be there for us. When we have that sense of belonging and support, our bodies chill out and we feel more at ease. It’s important to have someone to wake up to and go to bed with. In fact, studies show that pain is less painful when you have a life partner.
So, if you’re feeling lonely or isolated, it’s not just in your head. Your body is telling you it wants that tribe vibe. Reach out to people, make connections, and be part of a community. It’ll do wonders for your well-being and help you escape that constant fight-or-flight mode.
Unconventional Relationship Advice
- Most of our attraction toward another person is subconscious.
- The two relationships that will never stop triggering you: the one you have with your parents, and the one with your partner.
- Our minds are a funny thing and we tend to be attracted to partners who may enable you to relive a childhood experience because of a need or issue you haven’t had closure for. Hence the importance of understanding trauma and being self-aware.
- Winning arguments should never be a goal. If you are always winning, that means your partner is ‘weak’ — so what does that say about YOU since you chose to be with a ‘weak’ person?
- Your partner will determine your happiness, wealth, and health.
- Meeting the right person is everything but there is no such thing as perfection. Your partner should be at least 80% of what you want. The other 20% can be grown into or compromises and sacrifices can be made.
- Relationships require constant work but they should not be hard. Being in constant conflict with your partner for a long period of time is a sign of a toxic environment, and perhaps you need to spend time apart to focus on yourself.
- When you argue, make it a goal to be heard not understood. Allow each other to express your feelings and then walk away and breathe before trying to make sense of things.
- When you marry someone, you marry their emotions and traumas. Make sure you are both aware of them so they don’t control you. Awareness is the first step to healing.
- Most relationships fail because one partner has underlying trauma they refuse to deal with. If your partner doesn’t deal with their past trauma, do inner work, learn how to properly communicate– even if they aren’t ready, it’s time to move on because you can’t sabotage your life waiting for anyone. I’ve had a relationship ruined because of this and it’s extremely traumatic to stay in a situation like this for so long, and it’s scary to think where I could be today if I was still in it.
- Your partner should compliment you, not complete you.
- Your partner should bring out your best self.
- Your partner should also challenge you to grow.
- Your partner should intimidate you just a tiny bit!
- … but be careful not to be manipulated! If you feel like something is off, your gut is often right. Take a step back and observe.
- We grew up watching Disney fairytales but “happily ever after” does NOT exist without hard work.
- If you cannot be alone or stand your own ground, you are NOT ready for a relationship. Co-dependency will always lead to failure.
- You should not go into a relationship thinking “feeling completed.”
- Connections are very hard to find but if you find one, you should definitely explore it because even though it may not work out, your energies matched at that time because you both had a lesson to learn.
- If we all “grow with the flow” in life and know that many things aren’t meant to be, your life will be much easier.
- Become the person you want to attract.
- If you keep attracting the wrong types of people, you’re the problem.
- Make more eye contact.
The Take Away: Good Relationships Require Constant Work But A Non-Negotiable
It’s important to remember that people come into our lives for a reason or a season, and it’s up to us to make the most of those experiences.
The longest Harvard study on human happiness, known as the Grant Study, found that the secret to living a good life and being happy is all about having good relationships. It’s not about money or success. Nope, it’s about having strong bonds with your family, awesome friends, and a loving partner.
The study followed people for a long time (over 75 years!) and found that the quality of our relationships is what really matters. When we have people who care about us and support us, it makes us feel happy and fulfilled. It’s like having a safety net of love and connection.
So, if you want to live a good life, focus on building and cherishing those relationships. Spend time with your loved ones, be there for them, and let them be there for you. It’ll make you happier and healthier in the long run. Money can’t buy that kind of happiness!