Use it to your advantage.
Growing up, my life path is very different from everyone I grew up with and I was always the black sheep in my family. I even had my first out-of-body experience when I was six (story for another time).
I grew up very independent, immersed in books, and obsessed with learning so I quickly became a contrarian thinker because I was exposed to so much at an early age. I also read a lot of biographies of people I admired so I knew the value of learning from others.
Everyone is unique in their own way.
I’ve always seen the world at a very deep level and seen things for how they truly are.
Today, I want to write about something that’s been on my mind a lot:
When someone intimidates you, it’s because they see something in you that they wished they had. People get intimidated by others because they lack confidence, feel inferior, or may have low self-esteem.
Think about that again next time someone intimidates you: you are simply projecting yourself onto that person– which is normal. Projection is a defense mechanism because your brain is protecting you from having to acknowledge parts of yourself you don’t like.
But don’t worry — this can be fixed. Our brains are fucking brilliant and you can rewire it to be the person you’ve always wanted to become by taking advantage of neuroplasticity.
What is intimidation?
Our minds are wired to constantly search for comfort and familiarity because it’s safe. When you see someone who may be stronger, smarter, or prettier than you, your brain will detect that person as a threat — because subconsciously you may want to embody those traits but you don’t believe that you do.
Your conscious mind is protecting you from the pain of self-realization.
How To Never Be Intimidated Again
Let me tell you a story.
I moved to Vancouver when I was nine where I met my best friend. She was always the most popular girl in school, fun, loud, smart, everyone adored her energy, and she always just had one more A than me. Funny enough, I was the complete opposite: quiet, shy, reserved — but we hit it off right away and to this day, our relationship is closer than ever. Our personalities may be different but the way our minds work has always been aligned.
Now, some people may feel jealous if their friend was “better” than them but I was never jealous of her. In fact, I wanted to be just like her and she inspired me to work harder. She was also the one who ‘forced’ me to do my first 240km bike ride which got me addicted to cycling.
I am who I am today because I had such strong influences in my life and I saw them all as inspiration, not competition.
A Simple Mindset Shift
Growing up, I was never intimidated by anyone — simply because I always did my own thing and didn’t care what anyone thought of me. I also never had a shortage of close friends even though I was quiet and reserved, possibly because I minded my own business? Energy? Not sure but the way my mind works is that I always planned ahead — “see the future” in a sense so you don’t fuck up.
Reframing Strategy: Inspiration > Intimidation
I always had this idea that my best friend was better than me, but instead of being intimidated, I saw it as inspiration.
Even today, I meet people who I think are better than me (More successful? Smarter? Prettier? Dress better? Wealthier?), I actually try to get to know them because I want to be that kind of person. I want to learn all about them and pick their minds because in order to be the best, you have to surround yourself with the best… and at the same time, constantly show up as your best self every day.
For example, when I meet hot girls who take care of themselves physically, are fun, smart, strong and outgoing, we almost instantly become friends because you always surround yourself with people you want to be like.
I love being surrounded by well-rounded people.
I hear this story all the time and I went through this myself but oftentimes, people are intimidated by us and quickly judge us because we have extremely high standards for ourselves– we care about appearances, prioritize health and hard work, and we’re not afraid to say what’s on our mind, yet have the emotional intelligence to take criticism.
All my friends have the biggest hearts and the kindest souls but if you didn’t know us, you may have thought we were “bitches.”
Unfortunately, many people chose to not take care of themselves– mentally, physically, and spiritually.
That’s why people get intimidated and emit unnecessary negative energy.
So next time you feel intimidated, remind yourself: “it’s not them, it’s me. I need to work on myself.”
Don’t be afraid to accept your insecurities, vulnerability, and weaknesses. We all have to do our own shadow work to level up. I uncover something dark about myself all the time… right after I think I finally know myself, another shadow surfaces in my awareness.
Self-growth is a never-ending journey. If you can stomach the discomfort, you’re only going to move upwards.
Don’t Give Away Your Power
When you are intimidated by someone, you are giving away your power because you lack confidence. You don’t believe in yourself.
When you catch yourself projecting, don’t beat yourself up over it. Instead, focus on why you’re projecting. Do some soul-searching and go deep internally to figure out how you truly feel. Be truly curious but never judge yourself.
Strategies to never be intimidated again:
- Take care of your soul, mentally, physically, and spiritually.
- Don’t play victim. Hold yourself accountable for everything.
- Journal to sort out your thoughts.
- Meditate to maintain inner peace.
- Talk to a friend or a therapist.
- Increase your confidence by exercising and taking care of yourself physically and mentally.
- Call yourself up on your bullshit.
- Surround yourself with good friends who will call you out on your bullshit.
- Get your hair and your nails done. When you look good, you feel good. Never stop taking care of your appearance!
- If you want to be happy, make everyone around you happy first.
- Genuinely compliment other people. It makes them feel good.
- See people for who they are. Treat people how you want to be treated. Remember, no one has it all figured out.
Never Be Intimidated Again
Trust me, once you start thinking this way, going to get everything you want because the universe will open up to you. Instead of playing the victim and spreading negative energy, you will align with the higher frequencies.