THIS IS ISSUE.011 OF THE SMRT LIST
I’ve never followed rules. in the spirit of learning to love discomfort and challenging conventional norms, I’m going to give you an insight into my unconventional life.
My friends know that I’m only attracted to older men. But not ALL of them— the attraction has to be mental and physical, and I’ve done The Work to understand myself and know exactly what I want. Trust me, I’ve gotten a lot of questions. 🤷🏻♀️ But I live life on my own terms.
Because I’ve always dated older men and the women in my family all had long lives, I’ve accepted the inevitable fact that I’ll probably outlive whoever I marry. My grandma outlived my grandpa by 25 years to the old age of 103 and she was healthy and fulfilled.
Learning how to sit with grief, heartbreak, and discomfort is a skill that’s never too early to start working on.
Freeing yourself from the fear of loss and death allows you to live consciously, deeply, and with meaning.
But first an update on how Edition 011 of THE SMRT LIST came to be:
I woke up this morning feeling like I’d been hit by a car (sup, PMS 👋🏼) so I took the day off because self-care is healthcare.
This morning, I talked to my non-biased BFF (aka my therapist) and she suggested something transformative: “on days you’re feeling down, lower your usual high expectations for yourself, and rewrite your to-do list to prioritize things that make you feel confident and safe.”
So here I am, sitting at my favourite coffee shop trying not to feel guilty about not doing any “high-value work” while I just spent $9 on a latte because my scarcity mindset still likes to announce her presence from time to time.
My biggest lesson this month: Life is short. Do what makes you happy now and fuck conventions.
This week was scary. I thought I’d lose someone I love and that terrifying thought pushed me into another paradigm shift as my perspective has evolved. It’s scary AF but adversity helps you get closer to understanding life’s meaning(s).
I’ve been dealing with a lot of grief lately but it’s pretty cool to watch your brain process it. I kept on wondering: “are we ever going to be ready to deal with grief?”
I don’t think so but I think we can learn to make it easier— and the answer may lie in rethinking aging and honoring the idea of impermanence.
I’m working on my Magnum Opus for one of my courses, and I’ve decided the subject will be longevity, inspired by recent events. I’m going to cover some of these topics in this newsletter.
We’re going to chat about:
- Aging & longevity.
- Dating age-gaps.
- Aging as a mindset.
- How to age gracefully.
- Freeing yourself from fear of death.
- Evolving your mind to be able to read people as energy.
Why you need to care about aging, especially if you’re young:
Knowing I’m going to be Grandma Kate one day is a great way to reverse engineer your life by knowing how you want your life to turn out. Obviously 💩 happens and we may have to pivot but having a clear vision is necessary.
Age is an abstract concept to the young brain because it’s too far away for most of us to comprehend. Some people are wired to be futurists but there are those who don’t even give it a second thought. Guess what?
- We’re all going to lose our looks but we’ll always have our brains.
- One day, YOU are going to be called “old” by somebody younger. 👵🏼
- We have a chronological age and biological age. You can be 30 with the biological age of 50 because you didn’t take care of yourself, and vice versa. Looks aren’t everything!
I plan to live a long, happy, fulfilled life. Do you?
Aging is a mindset even though our bodies are going to age, our skin is going to sag, our knees will give out, hips will crack, and if you didn’t take care of yourself, dementia and Alzheimers may be knocking at your door.
But what if I told you it’s possible to have high energy and a young mindset forever?
Your outlook on life is going to determine the quality of your life.
Little Kate was a grandma stuck in a tiny body. She immersed herself in books and history. She had my first out-of-body experience when she was 6, experiencing her first dose of cosmic insignificance therapy.
Being an old soul and always feeling out of place in this world while understanding impermanence at a young age forces you to think ahead. Not everyone is wired the same but you can learn how to think this way.
My physiotherapist said something really nice to me a couple of days ago: “you’re the coolest old lady ever.” 🤣 Yas girl, my goal!! 🙋🏻♀️ Yes, we really have these conversations.
When you plan on living a fantastic life into old age, you’re gonna make it happen!! 🤘🏼
Why I’m Inspired By “Older” People
Since I got into fitness at 20, I’ve always been surrounded by people much older than me. I’ve met tons of people, especially from cycling, and most of them are decades or more older than me.
Just seeing them thrive at their age, being healthier and happier than people my age has opened my eyes to new possibilities.
There are people who are 60…
- and look 60
- those who still look like they’re in their 40s with more energy than most 40-year-olds
If you don’t believe it, that’s a sign accompanied by a blaring horn you need to UPGRADE your environment. 🙃
Some of my exes were much older than me, and so is my current partner, and I don’t see a problem because I see people for who they are, not what they are: age is just a number, and gender race, and ethnicity are all labels that we, unfortunately, shamelessly slap on each other.
Besides, judging people on how they look is shallow AF. That means your mind may be a tad bit unevolved. We have to get those uncomfortable conversations out of the way, right?
We’re all simply energetic beings.
I see people as who they are, not what they are. You won’t believe it but I’ve seen people’s facial features SHIFT in front of my eyes multiple times after getting to know them and understanding their “energy.”
There is much more to the world than what most people experience on the “surface”. There are multiple planes of existence and frequencies we can all learn to tune into.
Hard Truth: Do You Have An Unevolved Mind?
What really bugs me is when people my age make snarky comments about the ages of men I’m attracted to and in my head, I think “this is exactly why I have zero interest in you.” 🤣
Being an old soul, it’s hard to be attracted to shallow mindsets. 🙈
Okay, that was pretty unevolved of me but I’m human. 80/20, right?
Men who don’t realize they have mommy issues will accuse me of having “daddy issues”— umm, who doesn’t have mommy or daddy issues? At least I know what I have and have worked through it. Not understanding those fundamentals is a sign you need an upgrade ASAP.
Not judging, just saying. 😊
The attachment theory suggests that the quality of your early relationships with your caretakers will influence your future patterns of attachment and whom you’re attracted to. Inner work will help you uncover your true needs and NOT get distracted by others projecting their beliefs onto you.
Before you get mad at me because you’re triggered when I said “unevolved mind”, hear me out! I mean, isn’t that why you’re here?
This newsletter is all about uncomfortable truths and micro-triggers are the best way to level up.
Why Dating Age Gaps Are Often Stigmatized
- You are judgemental.
- You’re afraid of what other people will think.
- You’re afraid to be alone so it’s natural to want to marry someone “your age”.
- You’re afraid of aging so you project it by unconscious age discrimination.
- You’re surrounded by people who think “how you look” determines who you are.
- You think you’re old because you’re surrounded by “old people” telling you you’re old.
- You fall to stereotypes. Eg: older men are “creepy” or “predators” when dating younger women. You have “mommy or daddy” issues, or a “gold digger” when dating someone older than you.
- Most of us will die alone.
- We’re all going to get old.
- Attraction is subconscious.
- Happy people living fulfilled lives have zero reasons to judge others.
- We’re all human beings with dreams and feelings no matter what age.
- People who have an opinion about who you date are only projecting their insecurities onto you.
Age doesn’t define who you are: there are 50-year-olds who still act 20, and I’m sure vice versa (since I’ve been a grandma since I was born). 👵🏼
Why I’m Attracted To Older Men
- I see people as energy— who they are, not what they are.
- Subconscious attraction from my attachment style.
- I know it’s right for me because I’ve done The Work. 🙃
- I’m just not physically attracted to younger men who “look my age”. 🤷🏻♀️
I’m actually unattracted to 99% of men because the ones I am attracted to has to be the full package for me: mental and physical.
How To Read People As Energy
How would YOU feel if someone called you old or ugly— based on your physical appearance?! Your life changes when you learn how to read people as energy.
- You become less judgemental.
- You’re no longer a prisoner to labels.
- You increase options and opportunities.
- You learn to see the world in abundance.
- Your life gets exponentially better once you stop giving a 💩 about what anyone thinks.
You can easily learn how by understanding we’re all energetic beings with feelings underneath our physical bodies.
I Dare You To Rethink Aging
There are biological processes we can’t transcend however our outlook in life determines the quality of our lives.
Do you want to be 70 and feel 70?
Or do you want to be 70 and feel like 50… maybe even 40?
People “age” because they don’t take care of themselves to prevent cognitive decline. If you don’t have a fully-functional brain, you’re going to live a hard life.
I know 70 and 80-year-olds who are still working, running corporations, running marathons, climbing mountains, and performing surgery all with sharp brains and more energy than people half their age.
Your Thoughts & Beliefs Will Age You Faster
One of the key principles of neuroscientist, Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work is the idea that our beliefs and perceptions create our reality. If we believe that we’re limited by our age, we’ll experience the physical and mental limitations that come with aging. On the other hand, if we believe that we can continue to grow and live our best life into old age, we’ll experience a greater sense of vitality and well-being.
Even the mere thought of “thinking” you’re old will direct your subconscious will start the chemical process to start making you feel old.
What are the stereotypes of being chronologically old?
- Physical → wrinkles, grey hair, loss of muscle, looking frail or unhealthy.
- Mental → slowing down, cognitive decline.
- Perspectives → resisting to change (being “stuck in old ways”), being out-of-date.
One way to measure the impact of mindset on biological aging is through telomere length. Telomeres are the protective caps at the end of our DNA strands which tend to shorten as we age.
What shortens our telomeres?
- Bad habits.
- Toxic environment.
- Unsupportive relationships.
- Negative thoughts & limiting beliefs.
- Compounding stress and inflammation.
In this article, “Rethinking Aging: One Day You’re Going To Be “Old” Too” we cover:
- Why We Need To End Ageism
- Most Importantly: Learning To Sit In Discomfort (Inevitable Grief)
- How To Create A New Paradigm For Aging
- How Your Beliefs Can Make You Age Faster
- How To Reverse Aging
- Strategies To Age Gracefully
- My Secret To Staying “Young Forever”
- Bonus: Supplements For Aging
⏱ Current: We’re suffering from a comfort crisis.
💕 Love: Simple Relationship Truths